Gender Disappointment

I feel like a terrible human writing this but I wanted to try and put into words how I felt when I found out I was having my little boy - Stanley, incase other people can relate, (as Google tells me 'gender disappointment is definitely a real thing.)
My pregnancy was not planned so to find out I was pregnant was upsetting initially, but I soon got my head round the idea and started to get excited. I could see myself buying little pink clothes, pink blankets, hair bows and frilly socks. I don't think I even really considered that I may have a little boy.
The morning of my 20 week scan I was so nervous. Joe came with me and we had decided we wanted to know babies gender. In the room they did their initial checks and found baby was perfectly healthy and then went on to tell us baby's gender.

A little boy!

I cried!

I wish I could say they were tears of happiness for being told I was having a perfectly healthy son, but they weren't. I was crying because I felt like I was grieving for the little girl I wasn't having. I don't even know if that really makes sense if you haven't experienced it. I didn't feel sad I was having a boy, but sad I wasn't having a girl. I wasn't going to get the mother/daughter relationship I dreamt of.
I turned to Google and forums to see if my feelings were common and found that they definitely were! Lots of other people had also experienced gender disappointment and described feelings exactly like mine.

Eventually I started to accept I was having a little boy but secretly hoped they had got it wrong.

If only I knew what I know now!

Stanley is my best friend! He is loving, caring and affectionate. He is sensitive, funny and an amazing big brother to Delilah. He loves to cuddle up with me in bed, he loves me reading him a story at bed time, he tells me all the time that I am beautiful and I genuinely miss him every time I drop him at the school gates. I wouldn't change him for the world. I wanted the relationship I have with my Mum but didn't realise I could have an equally amazing relationship with a son.

Little boys love their mummy's and I am so lucky to have him!

Thankyou for reading, we hope you stick around

The Harmons x

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