Raising Satan

Delilah the Devil, as she is now known in our family. But it wasn't always that way.

She was such a good baby. She would go to bed at 7pm and sleep through till 7am from about six weeks old, and nap like clockwork. I couldn't believe my luck with all the sleep I was getting and thought I'd mastered this whole 'being a mother of two' lark. So there's me dancing around and skipping merrily for two years thinking parenting was a piece of cake. She fooled us all with the mop of blonde hair, the crystal blue eyes and angelic chubby cheeks!

Then she turned two and my whole world was turned upside down. She's fiercely independent and knows her own mind. A typical day in the Harmon house includes:

Delilah - 'I picking my nose' 
Me - 'Stop it that's disgusting'
Delilah - 'No it not, it yummy'

Me - 'Delilah do you need a wee wee on your potty?'
Delilah - 'No it might be dangerous!'

Delilah - 'Look Peggy likes it!' as I turn around and find the poor dog dangling by one ear!

Delilah - 'I making dinner!' What Delilah means is she has smashed 12 large eggs on the kitchen floor, poured half a pint of milk over the top and sprinkled it with chilli flakes (clearly gets her cooking skills from me!)

Delilah - 'Look I done a poo.' What Delilah means is she's taken her nappy off, pood on the floor, rubbed her toes in it and skipped around my living room (I'm hoping any prospective house buyers are not reading! Iv cleaned the carpet multiple times since, honestly!)

Delilah - 'Mummy I look beautiful!' What she means is she raided the small amount of makeup I own, painted my carpet pink with nail varnish, and drawn some pretty funky eyebrow things on her forehead.

I get met with questions from friends and family about why my ironing pile is so high? Why I don't wear makeup anymore? Why the children haven't had 5 different varieties of vegetables with their dinner? Why I work so many hours?
I give them the look! The look that says 'how can I possible do all these things with Satan hanging off my leg and the high pitched scream when she doesn't get her own way? I have to be expecting the unexpected at all times. And sometimes going to work to get shouted at by patients all day is actually my sanctuary.' 

I know one day she'll be all grown up and I'll laugh at the things she used to do and possibly even miss them but for now I'll carry on clearing shit off the carpet, taking the fruit out the washing machine, fishing the Tv remote out of the toilet and looking forward to bedtime so I can pour a glass of rosé! 

Thanks for reading, we hope you stick around

The Harmons x

P.s. We love her really! But Delilah, payback's a bitch and one day if you have your own daughter I'll definitely be having words with her ;)


  1. How refreshing and funny to read, motherhood is definitely not easy! I have a 13-month old and I feel like he is slowly giving us previews of what his terrible twos will be like and I'm a little scared.

  2. On my word! Please don’t tell me this is what all girls are like!! I have a nearly 18 month old and I’m now dreading the terrible twos!!

    1. I’m not sure if it’s a girl thing or second child thing? Yourll have to let me know how she is when she turns two 🙊