10 Things they don't tell you before having a baby

1. Hot tea is just a memory, a figment of imagination, something that used to exist. To have hot tea is now considered a luxury. Even now with Stanley being 5 and Delilah 2 I rarely get to finish a hot cuppa. I get commands thrown at me by the two littles, I'm up and down like a yo-yo, everyone wants to sit on mummy's lap and by the time I get round to drinking it I'm spitting it back into the cup because there is nothing worse than cold tea! FACT!

2. Your car will become the 'mystery machine!' The only mystery being, what exactly is in the car? The answer, everything! If someone was to ask me for a lift I think I would actually have to turn them away rosy cheeked and ashamed. You name it, your'll find it in my car. Happy meal toys, changes of clothes (probably a few sizes too small), sunglasses and bobble hats, I have all bases covered, apart from the fact I need to actually seat 4 people in it!

3. You will soon know every squeaky floorboard in the house and know how to strategically get from A to B without stepping on said floorboards to avoid waking the sleeping baby.

4. The embarrassment of talking about poop completely goes out the window. Most conversations revolve around this tiny humans bowel movements, the colour, the consistency and how many times they've been today?

5. You turn into a superhero and have the ability to see things before they happen. You can see the child playing close to the coffee table and move the cups in anticipation because you can see the cup flying through the air and the Ribena staining your cream carpet (who's stupid idea was it to have cream carpet with children anyway?)

6. Everything you said you would never do as a parent you find yourself doing daily. Feeding them endless amounts of sugar and e-numbers just to keep them in the pushchair and quiet, blackmailing a 2 year old and using 'Bing' as your babysitter.

7. You become all-consumed. Before you had children did you ever go to a 'Mums' house? And sit there while she showed you endless pictures of the first time baby smiled (had trapped wind?) A squiggle that their amazing toddler had drawn all by themselves? And listen to their stories of the Childs antics while you zoned out thinking 'here she goes again?!' Well I'm sorry but this will be you when the baby arrives. You want the world to know EVERYTHING your baby has done and you burst with pride telling people about every milestone.

8. Dinner time goes from being the best time of the day to the worst. You spend ages cooking the family dinner but when you dish it up the baby decides it needs your undivided attention or poops and you never get to enjoy a hot meal again.

9. Delivery drivers become the most dreaded person in the world. You see them walk towards your door and run quicker than Usain Bolt to get there before he knocks and wakes the baby you spent the last 2 and a half hours trying to get to sleep!

10. The photos are all fake people! 100% pure and utter Bullshit! Sure, we all have a micro second in the day that looks picture perfect which happens to be the shot we post on instagram. But we all have days where we cry because we've run out of bin bags, don't get out of our pyjamas and don't shower for 3 days. We are human! We can't look glamorous on 2 hours sleep, we can't keep a gorgeous house with terrorising toddlers. DONT EVER compare yourself to what you see on social media! There is no such thing as perfect, we are all just winging it.

Thanks for reading, we hope you stick around

The Harmons x

1 comment

  1. haha!! All so true! I've been joking with a friend of mine recently about how my car is so messy and literally everything is in there. I can't see how any parent has a clean car x